doubts.

So, I realized lately that I haven't been much focused on God. It's horrible. I have never felt so lazy about this stuff in my life. I'm abnormally lazy with my faith. it's horrible. I feel so bad. It's just like... i don't even know. It's wierd and not like me. I have been focusing on so many different things, I have strayed away from God a whole lot. And I don't like it.
:/

is it just me?

I am so tired of people thinking they know everything and thinking everything they say is right and if other people think different, they are worthless. I'm sick of it. It's everywhere now. I have a school full of idiots that think they are anarchists or tough guys.. but its a front. I'm not judging people. I know these people personally. I can't say anything to them, cause they will think I'm trying to be "holier than thou" yet, they can say whatever they want to whoever they want. I'm tired of it. Unfortunately, I have to deal with it. Cause' its highschool, or better yet, life.. but, it shouldn't be that way and it's not okay for it to be that way. I'm also tired of people that think they are mature and they look mature when they call someone else immature or talk to people like they are inferior to them. It's rude.


This makes me furious.

trapped.

I wish I could go back to how life was 2 years ago. How is was much easier. How I had all the most important people in my life still in my life. How I wasn't so confused about what I want. I'm trapped and I feel like there is no single person that I can talk to that can really understand.. None that I can fully put my whole trust in. Except God of course, but I can't hear Him. Not want He wants me to do. Or maybe I'm just listening to my own voice. I don't know what to do. I'm trapped.


:/

i'm scared of making the wrong decision and regretting.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO.

Wii-a-roni.

We just got a Wii from Target today. It's amazing! So, we're all sitting here playing it. WOO! Well, My brother, Tony, My sister-in-law, Lyndsi, and my nephew, Ty is here. :) They have been here since Friday. YAHOO! I love Ty! He's so cute.

Well, Kevin is sitting right next to me now. :) He's leaving tomorrow for Texas though. :(

Well, not much else to say.

soooo..
BYE. :D

Selfish.

Church has really got to me lately, in a good way of course. I've just been thinking about how everything I do is selfish. I mean, not EVERYTHING, but mostly. When I do something for someone, sometimes I do it for a reward. (sometimes I don't) Anyways, I just want to be humble and have humility like Kevin and I's Bible Study has been saying lately. So, I'd appreciate it if anyone that is reading this right now would pray for me. :D Thank You!


p.s.
anyone thats reads this and needs something prayed for.
feel free to ask. :)


byee.

life's pros and cons.

Here I am, 2:34 in the morning, blowing up the internet as always. Today has had its good and bad points. I went to Kevin's today and just hung out with him. Went out to eat with his familia. Then, planned on going to the mall with ashley and kevin but, that didn't work out so well because of this stinkin family shopping night thing where you couldn't get in unless you had an I.D. saying you were 18 or older. Wierd. Anyways, we ended up just going to Chick-fil-A, Vintage Stock, and Best Buy. After that, went to Kevin's and watched a movie. We had a breakdown with Ashley about her ex.


I've had a breakthrough. I'm tired of being pushed around, quiet and soft-spoken. I am, from now on, going to say what I think if it really needs to be said. No matter if it hurts. If it needs to be said, I will say it. And I'm not afraid anymore to stand up for myself and be mean sometimes. I'm too nice. But, of course, I'm still gonna be nice, ya know?!


Anyways, I'm bout to go talk to my lovely boyfriend Kevin. Ya know? He really is amazing.
FORREAL.


byeee.

yahooooo.

I have been trying to update this but I couldn't remember my password, so finally, I just reset it.

Well, this week has been pretty good. There were a few bad moments, but everything's fantastic now. I must say, I'm proud of my youth group. We're not messing around this year, forreal. We have started a bible study, then we have youth VBS, and then, YEC. I think we are going to do great things this year. forreal. :)

Anyways, I'm hopefully going to be going to Kevin's today or something. Then, this weekend, I'm probably gonna hangout with Jessica, and maybe even Kevin and Josh at the same time. Last night, my sister came over and stayed for a million years and we all sat around watching and quoting Saturday Night Live. HILARIOUS!

I'm feeling pretty good about life these days. I mean, there are some things I would like to change, but I'm actually going to try and change them this time. Enough laziness for me. God deserves more than I can give and I'm hoping to give Him all that I can. God is good. :)

better than ever

Just got back from Falls Creek on Saturday. Now, that was an amazing week. Of course, there were some off times and a couple of horrible days, but overall, it was the most amazing one yet. God did a lot of things in my cabin as well as in me personally. I got there and immediately was stronger than i had been. Just feeling the presence of God in that camp was enough for me. I had realized how amazing God really is. The whole theme of falls creek this year was "Graze." The bible verse was John 10:27

"My sheep hear my voice; I know them and they Follow Me"

We learned about how God is our Shepherd and that means that He protects us, provides for us, and has a plan for us. Knowing this, helped a lot of people in Falls Creek. I have never seen a whole tabernacle of people just stay and worship because they WANT to... not because they HAVE to. it was amazing.

There were a lot of fun stuff that happened during the week. We had three groups that played volleyball all week, Sponsers, Boys, and Girls. Sponsers and girls made it to the tournament on friday. Sponsers lost their first game. Girls lost second. But, volleyball was a lot of fun! :) Another thing that was funny is the game that the boys of the cabin made up called "Dreidel Blades". We had gotten these tops from the gift shop that look like ufo's and battled with them. The girls also made a rap about them playing that game. it was hilarious. my dreidel blade was called "The Shepherd". :)


And thats falls creek for ya. :D

byee.

stupid.

I just got told that because I brought up a conversation about God, I was trying to be "holier than thou."

what is with people these days?
everyone can talk about their own beliefs but when it comes to someone else's.. especcially christians.. it means they are trying to shove it in their face.


ugh.

boring.

Well, it's summer now and it has been more boring than ever. It's only the second day though. yesterday was horrible, I did nothing at all cause everyone was gone or doing something. Kevin is at Lake Eufala and Arielle is at a different lake. Jessica was at a birthday party and Kealeigh was probably doing something nerdy. But, hopefully today will be better cause if not, I will die. I might go to Jessica's today and then, go eat at el chico with grace and abby. :) wooooo!

Anyways, I guess i just wanted to give you a little update and stuff. Adios.

This is going to be a sad sad week.

This week is the mark of the last week of school. Normally, being a teenager, I would be excited. But, I have bonded very well with my choir teacher and my choir seniors, and well, after this week, I might never see any of them again. My choir teacher is leaving and never coming back to teach. Although, she's only moving about an hour away.. she is not going to teach at our school anymore. Our last choir concert, Showcase, was on friday and it went quite well. The night performance was the saddest ever. During our senior circle, all the seniors did their little farewell speech.. Anthony's hit me hardest. After they talked, Mr. Carpenter did, and he made me cry. After he was done, Mrs. Morrison spoke which made me cry even harder. She made us cry even more at the end of the concert... when she sang to us. That was so horrible. Thinking about it right now even makes me wanna cry. :( I really don't want her to leave because she is by far my favorite teacher, not only that, she is the best teacher I've ever had. :'( Our teacher next year is going to be Mrs. Mechling from Carl Albert. I'm not exactly looking forward to it to be honest, but hey, I'm going to have to get over it.

Well, I will probably write everday this week since I will have a lot to talk about.

goodbye. <3

ughhh.

Hey!


sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. lots has been going on. I went on my choir trip to st. louis.. that was pretty awesome! i had a lot of fun! :) uhm.. choir has been going pretty dang good. except for the fact that i didnt get the solo i wanted really bad. i hate that i lost to someone that gets everything she's ever wanted. but, it always happens to me.. i'm used to it. Anyways, Kevin and I have been pretty good. a little problems here and there.. but, its whatever. we have been together a year and almost two months. pretty rad! ashley and i aren't really best friends anymore.. so, we'll see how that goes. I've been hangin with a pretty rad group of people. kev, matt, damian, arielle. :) i love em! woo!


well, i guess thats it.

hello?!


adios.

pain.

Ugh. my jaw hurts really super bad, and i dont know, today, i just feel wierd and i have no clue why! BLAH! This Christmas break has been great... there's been some hard times.. but, they're all gone and i'm in the process of fixing them and not giving up. Jesus Christ is amazing. if you don't know Him, you should really try to, cause you definetely won't be disappointed. :)

i gotta keep my head up and be positive, and thats what i'm planning on doing. this new years, i decided to make this year different. and i'm gonna stick to that! :D


adioss.