doubts.

So, I realized lately that I haven't been much focused on God. It's horrible. I have never felt so lazy about this stuff in my life. I'm abnormally lazy with my faith. it's horrible. I feel so bad. It's just like... i don't even know. It's wierd and not like me. I have been focusing on so many different things, I have strayed away from God a whole lot. And I don't like it.
:/

is it just me?

I am so tired of people thinking they know everything and thinking everything they say is right and if other people think different, they are worthless. I'm sick of it. It's everywhere now. I have a school full of idiots that think they are anarchists or tough guys.. but its a front. I'm not judging people. I know these people personally. I can't say anything to them, cause they will think I'm trying to be "holier than thou" yet, they can say whatever they want to whoever they want. I'm tired of it. Unfortunately, I have to deal with it. Cause' its highschool, or better yet, life.. but, it shouldn't be that way and it's not okay for it to be that way. I'm also tired of people that think they are mature and they look mature when they call someone else immature or talk to people like they are inferior to them. It's rude.


This makes me furious.

trapped.

I wish I could go back to how life was 2 years ago. How is was much easier. How I had all the most important people in my life still in my life. How I wasn't so confused about what I want. I'm trapped and I feel like there is no single person that I can talk to that can really understand.. None that I can fully put my whole trust in. Except God of course, but I can't hear Him. Not want He wants me to do. Or maybe I'm just listening to my own voice. I don't know what to do. I'm trapped.


:/

i'm scared of making the wrong decision and regretting.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO.

Wii-a-roni.

We just got a Wii from Target today. It's amazing! So, we're all sitting here playing it. WOO! Well, My brother, Tony, My sister-in-law, Lyndsi, and my nephew, Ty is here. :) They have been here since Friday. YAHOO! I love Ty! He's so cute.

Well, Kevin is sitting right next to me now. :) He's leaving tomorrow for Texas though. :(

Well, not much else to say.

soooo..
BYE. :D

Selfish.

Church has really got to me lately, in a good way of course. I've just been thinking about how everything I do is selfish. I mean, not EVERYTHING, but mostly. When I do something for someone, sometimes I do it for a reward. (sometimes I don't) Anyways, I just want to be humble and have humility like Kevin and I's Bible Study has been saying lately. So, I'd appreciate it if anyone that is reading this right now would pray for me. :D Thank You!


p.s.
anyone thats reads this and needs something prayed for.
feel free to ask. :)


byee.

life's pros and cons.

Here I am, 2:34 in the morning, blowing up the internet as always. Today has had its good and bad points. I went to Kevin's today and just hung out with him. Went out to eat with his familia. Then, planned on going to the mall with ashley and kevin but, that didn't work out so well because of this stinkin family shopping night thing where you couldn't get in unless you had an I.D. saying you were 18 or older. Wierd. Anyways, we ended up just going to Chick-fil-A, Vintage Stock, and Best Buy. After that, went to Kevin's and watched a movie. We had a breakdown with Ashley about her ex.


I've had a breakthrough. I'm tired of being pushed around, quiet and soft-spoken. I am, from now on, going to say what I think if it really needs to be said. No matter if it hurts. If it needs to be said, I will say it. And I'm not afraid anymore to stand up for myself and be mean sometimes. I'm too nice. But, of course, I'm still gonna be nice, ya know?!


Anyways, I'm bout to go talk to my lovely boyfriend Kevin. Ya know? He really is amazing.
FORREAL.


byeee.

yahooooo.

I have been trying to update this but I couldn't remember my password, so finally, I just reset it.

Well, this week has been pretty good. There were a few bad moments, but everything's fantastic now. I must say, I'm proud of my youth group. We're not messing around this year, forreal. We have started a bible study, then we have youth VBS, and then, YEC. I think we are going to do great things this year. forreal. :)

Anyways, I'm hopefully going to be going to Kevin's today or something. Then, this weekend, I'm probably gonna hangout with Jessica, and maybe even Kevin and Josh at the same time. Last night, my sister came over and stayed for a million years and we all sat around watching and quoting Saturday Night Live. HILARIOUS!

I'm feeling pretty good about life these days. I mean, there are some things I would like to change, but I'm actually going to try and change them this time. Enough laziness for me. God deserves more than I can give and I'm hoping to give Him all that I can. God is good. :)